Nov 167 min read

Support for parents - Eating Disorders

UPDATED COACHING OPPORTUNITY FOR PARENTS/CAREGIVERS (SCROLL DOWN)

When your child has an eating disorder

When a child is diagnosed with an eating disorder, parents often feel overwhelmed and anxious, seeking guidance. I am here to support you, as the parent or caregiver, in finding the right path, offering tailor-made coaching, information, tools, and support you to assist your loved one in their recovery and well-being.

Parents frequently go through a range of emotions while adjusting to the consequences of their child's eating disorder and its impact on their own lives.

There is no definitive way to feel when your child develops an eating disorder. The situation can be extremely perplexing, distressing, and frightening, leading to tensions and rifts within the family. Each individual involved will respond differently. Typical reactions include:

Confusion regarding:

The eating disorder and the recovery process
The reasons behind it
The most effective approach to managing the illness within the family
Knowing what to say and how to communicate it
How to provide support to your child

Feelings of grief and anger about:

The deterioration of your child's mental and physical health
The changes in your child's behavior, denial of the problem, and/or refusal to seek help
The challenges or disruptions caused by the eating disorder within the family
The inability to make your child better
The loss of personal time or time with other family members/friends
The loss of trust in your child, who may act deceitfully
A sense of loss for your child, who may have veered away from their aspirations and dreams

Feelings of guilt or fear about:

Feeling responsible for the eating disorder
Not recognizing the eating disorder sooner
Not providing the necessary support and assistance to aid in recovery
The fear that your child may not fully recover

Caring for your child and yourself

Recognizing that your child is facing an eating disorder can be a confusing, frustrating, and upsetting experience. Nevertheless, do not despair — there is an opportunity for healing, and your participation in the process is vital.

Although it is common to experience these emotions, parents should make sure to take breaks to recharge themselves. Additionally, parents often overlook seeking support for themselves, which could help them manage their own feelings. It is crucial to strike a balance between caring for the person you are looking after and your own well-being.

By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better position to provide support to your loved one.

Many parents believe they must maintain a strong front to offer the necessary support and love when caring for a child with an eating disorder. However, the truth is that parents can alternate between feeling distressed, guilty, tired, and defeated, and feeling strong, positive, and joyful at different times.

Caring for someone with an eating disorder, especially your child, can be a tumultuous journey. Below are some suggestions on how to not only provide the best possible care for your child during their recovery but also take care of yourself.

Effective Communication

Communication is vital in promoting your child’s recovery and preventing the eating disorder from dominating the family's interactions. Understanding how each family member communicates with one another is crucial. Maintaining calm, clear, and concise communication is the most effective approach for everyone involved.

It is important to recognize that individuals with eating disorders often go to great lengths to conceal their illness from loved ones. Even after the illness has been identified and a recovery plan has been established, your child may feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit if they have a setback. This underscores the significance of communication—your child should feel comfortable approaching you and keeping you informed throughout the process.

Education and Knowledge

Make an effort to learn as much as possible about your child’s specific condition, eating disorders, and mental health in general. Being well-informed is a crucial step not only in arming yourself with the tools and strategies to support your child but also in understanding and empathizing with their experience, which can strengthen the relationship.

There is a wealth of information accessible on this website, as well as on other platforms and in literature, that can provide foundational knowledge about eating disorders. Eating Disorders Victoria also offers a wide range of resources for families and friends in our library, which is accessible to our members.

Be a role model

Set a positive example by displaying healthy behaviors and attitudes towards food, weight, and body image. Engage in conversations with children about their self-perception, ensure they are exposed to diverse body types, and motivate them to view their bodies as tools that enable them to engage in activities they love. Emphasize that their interests and passions define them, not their physical appearance.

Educate them about the drawbacks of restrictive dieting and showcase healthy eating habits, such as intuitive eating (eating when hungry) without attaching judgment to consuming foods labeled as 'good' or 'bad.' For instance, refrain from excessive praise when eating a salad or self-criticism when indulging in cake. Adopt mindful eating practices, a valuable life skill that fosters a fulfilling, healthy, and enjoyable relationship with food. This skill empowers individuals to break free from restrictive eating patterns and embrace flexible, relaxed, and nourishing eating habits.

Remember, mindful eating is not a diet; it focuses on how we eat, not what we eat.

Supporting other family members

If you have other children, share your knowledge about eating disorders, including strategies for supporting their sibling in recovery.

Avoid letting the needs of the child with the eating disorder overshadow those of the siblings. Allocate time and attention to all your children. Communication is crucial to help siblings understand the eating disorder and how to support their brother or sister effectively.

Explain to them that this is a crucial period in their sibling's life. Although you may be focusing a lot on the child with the eating disorder, reassure them that this situation is temporary and your love for them remains strong.

Recognize that siblings may be experiencing intense distress, which they might hide to not burden you. Encourage open communication with you and others in their support system. Let them express their emotions about how they are handling the situation. Moreover, ensure that siblings have opportunities to engage in social or leisure activities to pursue their own interests outside the home.

Seek support

If you ever feel overwhelmed, remember to seek help for yourself. You may have thought about consulting a counselor or a professional specializing in eating disorders, and that is where I can assist you.

I am available to provide support, offer guidance, and share my personal experience of battling an eating disorder for over a decade, as well as my previous relationship with my mother and much more. As an eating disorder recovery coach with firsthand experience in this field since 2017, I have helped numerous clients and their families, so I am well-equipped to assist you.

Check out the podcast episode I recorded with my mom, where she talks about my eating disorder. Click here to listen.

It's important to understand that your child having an eating disorder is not your fault. Various organizations worldwide, such as the Academy for Eating Disorders, the American Psychiatric Association, and the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), have conducted research indicating that parents are not the cause of eating disorders.

NEDA emphasizes that in the past, parents, particularly mothers, were often held responsible for their child's disorder. However, recent studies show that eating disorders have a significant biological basis. Also known as a genetic predisposition. The development of eating disorders varies for each individual, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach for parents to prevent such disorders. Nevertheless, there are steps that all family members can take to contribute to a supportive environment for recovery. Psychologists have observed faster progress in the recovery of children and adolescents when parents are involved in the treatment process.

Self care

When caring for a child with an eating disorder, it is common to be questioned about your own self-care practices. Given the challenges of the situation, traditional self-care methods may not be feasible. Therefore, it is important to redefine self-care to suit your current circumstances.

Below are some essential self-care suggestions that may appear somewhat different from what you are accustomed to. Below is what most families have to say.

"We prioritized our immediate family, eliminating non-essential commitments such as family gatherings and extracurricular activities."
"We sought assistance from friends and family to care for our other children, allowing them a respite from the stress."
"We took regular breaks to recharge – even short moments of solitude or brief walks were beneficial."
"We practiced self-forgiveness when things didn't go as planned and embraced the idea of imperfection."
"We enlisted help from friends for tasks like grocery shopping and cooking, treating the situation like any other serious illness."
"We viewed the eating disorder as the common adversary, not our spouse or child."
"We educated ourselves to better understand what to anticipate."
"We consulted our general practitioner for a mental health plan and sought guidance from a psychologist or coach to strengthen ourselves in order to support our daughter effectively."

Acknowledge setbacks in recovery

To effectively manage your expectations and aspirations, it is crucial to understand that setbacks are a common aspect of the recovery journey. Approach each day with a flexible mindset. Instead of being disheartened by relapses, view them as opportunities for your child to enhance their coping skills for the future. Overcoming setbacks contributes to their resilience and wisdom, serving as stepping stones in the recovery process. Identifying the triggers or root causes of setbacks is essential for learning from them and preparing for similar challenges.

Keep in mind that recovery is a continuous process rather than a definitive endpoint. Rather than waiting for a specific moment when your loved one will be completely recovered, focus on the ongoing healing process. Recovery involves self-discovery, overcoming obstacles, celebrating achievements, and facing setbacks. It signifies the start of a lifelong journey towards greater self-awareness and personal growth. Embrace the changes that come with recovery, as they lead to positive transformations and a deeper understanding of oneself.

Filling your cup is an absolutely essential habit for anyone in a caregiving situation

Having spoken to clients with eating disorders daily for many years and witnessing the struggles of parents, including my own, I felt compelled to create a safe space for both of us - the parent/caregiver (you) and the coach (me).

During this hour, we will address various topics such as enhancing coping mechanisms, managing outbursts, creating action plans, and much more. In this phone call, you are free to express yourself, shed tears, and allow me to be the professional support you need.

Unfortunately and fortunately, I have firsthand experience with this struggle, and as my 70-year-old mother once said, "I wish I had someone like Danielle as my coach when you were going through those challenges."

What can you expect?