Hi guys, wow it's been a hot second since I wrote my last blog post. I'm sorry about that, but life got in the way. I've been wanting to update you all on how I'm doing mentally and physically with my eating disorder past and lyme disease, since some of you have been sliding into my DMs. ;)
I'll probably also make a YouTube video soon, but that's still in the making.
So let's start!
1. My biggest life update: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Who knew after 40+ dates I would fall in love with the cutest, sweetest most caring guy in the world. I also told him about my YouTube channel and he's keen on filming some videos together, so if you have any questions for him: let me know!
2. I have been undergoing Lyme treatment with prof. Meirleir in Brussels for about 7 months and I have to conclude the following: My energy has been way better due to being on a protocol of having 3 ml of Immunoglobulin injected subcutaneously and 1 ml of B12 injected in the muscle. I basically followed my nurses instructions and cut my weekly dose of immunoglobulin in half (it used to be 6 ml) because I told her I was afraid my body would adapt to that high amount + it cost a LOT OF MONEY. I have to pay everything out of pocket and I don't really notice any different with cutting my dose in half. So winning! I get a lot of questions regarding my antibiotic IV I had over the summer and I don't really know if it worked. I didn't get many side effects except for being INSANELY bloated, but that lasted for about 2 weeks. I felt like the whole IV did nothing, but then again, you never know.... I still have to do an entire blood panel soon. But I'm saving money for that as well.
Regarding the Cowden protocol: I stopped doing that completely after 3 weeks. I was herxing A LOT and I felt like death warmed up constantly. I know I should persevered, but I was on my own during that time (my mom was living in France for many months) and I was scared of being stuck at home and extremely sick. So I stopped completely and got my energy back.
My chronic muscle pain unfortunately hasn't changed in all those months. My eye pain seems better, but that still depends on how much I read and write on a daily basis. My jaw still flares up when I clench at night or when my energy is really low.
I wish there was something for chronic muscle pain, because that shit still gets me down.
Overall: I can't really complain. I'm going out, living my life to the fullest as much as I can with my pain and exhaustion and I'm genuinely happy. :)
3. Eating disorder wise I feel like if I continue living like this, I'll be fully recovered within a year. I know I'm predisposed to anorexia, so I'll always have to keep myself in check. This means I should never give myself any restrictions or rules. As a former type A, obedient, perfectionistic anorexic I will still take those rules to heart, apply them and never let them go. That's a decision I have to make every single day for the rest of my life.
The only thing I'm still working on is how to deal with bad body image days and the fear of weight gain. I wholeheartedly believe every human body has a setpoint weight and it's totally normal to fluctuate. But that's still something that can keep me awake at night or give me a sudden overwhelming sense of anxiety. This means I'm not 100% recovered yet.
To give you an example from yesterday of how much Lyme and eating disorders are so intertwined: I felt absolutely overstimulated from lack of sleep, extremely exhausted, insanely bloated (the week before my period I always look and feel pregnant LOL) and so I felt like eating the entire house and sleeping the entire day. I had plans to have a bunch of girls over at my place, drink wine and dance, but I just couldn't.
Mentally this is still hard for me, but I have to consider I'm still dealing with a chronic illness and that means taking care of myself. So I watched tv in bed for most of the day and ate and ate and ate until I was stuffed to the brim.
I couldn't stop eating and I seriously ate so much "processed, unhealthy, shitty" foods. (I hate labelling foods and I feel like you should NEVER label foods, but here you go. ;))
I could make myself feel like this horrible disgusting person the next day, but I'm making the conscious decision I won't.
This happens and you move on. Period.
So that's it for now. I love coaching people with eating disorders and chronic invisible illnesses and I get so much energy from helping others. I know what it takes to deal with both.